Love is not enough.

Love is necessary. Love is important. Maybe I'm idealistic, but I believe that love — truly unconditional love, whether platonic or familial or romantic — is the single most powerful force on the face of the planet.

But it is not enough to keep people together when it is the only base their relationship has, and I think that more people need to understand that. It's easy to think that love is everything, and even I'm guilty of thinking that — but when I pick apart the layers of the love I have in my life, the kind of love I define as 'everything', it's pretty clear that I'm using the concept, the word, of love as a catch-all to describe so much more: trust and faith and compromise and camaraderie and hard work and, yes, love.

Some people might argue that love is all of those things, but it's possible to really, honestly love someone — even love them unconditionally — without having much faith in them and/or without entirely trusting them.

Love is a good foundation. It can easily be a cornerstone, a starting point, a basis on which to begin. The problem is that you can't build anything when the only thing you have is the groundwork.

Love is not enough.

jesus christ i have to be up at 7:40 for work

Someone please get me the fuck away from Team Fortress 2 before it eats my soul. I've only done training so far and I'm already like THIS IS AWESOME.

I don't even like multiplayer games.

Going to bed now.

BUT BEFORE I DO, you guys need to watch the "Meet the ______" movies they have. Jesus Christ they are hilarious. I love them all. I wanted to list my favourite, but I started listing, like, all of them. I think Medic is winning out, though. And Sniper. And Spy. And Engineer. And— FUCK IT JUST WATCH THEM. (They don't have a video for the Pyro class yet, though.)

Meet the Scout
"You listening? Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother— I hurt people."

Meet the Soldier
"Then Sun Tzu used his fight money to buy one of every animal on Earth! And then he herded them onto a boat, and he beat the crap out of every single one."

Meet the Demoman
"So, t'all you fine dandies, so proud, so cocksure, prancing about with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me, I say! I'll be waiting on you with a whiff of the old brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody end!"

Meet the Heavy
"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."

Meet the Engineer
"Like this heavy-calibre tripod-mounted lil' old number designed by me. Built by me. And you'd best hope... not pointed at you."

Meet the Medic
"Let's go practice medicine."

Meet the Sniper
"Feelings? Look, mate, you know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes what bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards: Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

Meet the Spy
"Right behind you."

So, I just realized that after the spill, my D: drive refuses to open. Which is apt, considering D: is the face I'm making right now. Also, before anyone suggests it, the manual eject/paperclip trick didn't work, nor did telling the computer to eject it instead of pushing the button. Hell, I used NirCmd and it still couldn't do it.

I'd like to note that when I push the button/order it to open, it tries. It flashes its little light and makes all the right noises. It tries to make me happy. But like a hopeful child who will never live up to its parents' draconian expectations, it fails. It fails miserably. And all that's left is a pile of broken dreams, the pain of being a complete and utter disappointment, and years of therapy that will accomplish nothing. Nothing.

Of course, in this case, I still love you, little drive. You are not the Little Drive that Could. You are the Little Drive that Couldn't. But that's better than being the Little Drive that Wouldn't, so I'm not angry with you. Just... just sad. No, it's okay. You're not a disappointment to me. You haven't utterly failed to accomplish one of the very few tasks I ask of you, and rarely ask at that. It's not your fault. It's my fault. I damaged you. It's all on me, so it's okay. You can rest now. I just... I just need some alone time.

Okay, I think the metaphor is dead now.

So it turns out that I just cannot win.

I have had my laptop for... oh... five years? And in all that time, I have managed to not cause it undo pain or harm. Right up until the very end of November.

List of casualties in the past two months:

Hard drive. YES, THE ENTIRE THING. Including all of my writing. I dropped the laptop, so the hard drive decided to drop all of my data. By the way, all of my back-up data? That had also just been wiped, because I'd sold that hard drive and had just gotten a new PC. "Back-up data to new hard drive" was on my to-do list. Due to circumstances, it never got done.

What was lost? Oh, not much. Just about three half-written novels, countless bits and pieces of other writings, every fic I have ever written (including about... 100? that I have not completed but did plan to finish and post one day), and a Teen Titans fic that probably consisted of about 100 000 words and counting. You know, just that. Gone.

Now, there is a lovely company known as SalvageData. They are retrieving that data for me. For $810. That's basically a month's pay completely wiped out. Also, I needed a new hard drive for my laptop. I decided to upgrade while I was at it from 60GB (I know, I know. Stone age!) to 350GB. It cost about $115.

And now I have managed to spill milk all over the damn keyboard, essentially frying it. I just... goddamnit. Why. Do you know how I'm typing this right now? I'm using an external keyboard hooked up with with a PS2/USB adapter. I've just ordered a new keyboard for my laptop ($28.50!) so I can replace it.

Oh, and I also fried my wireless mouse. That was brand new. ($15) So there's that.

I've just not had a good past few months with computers.

$810
$115
$28.50
$15
_________
$968.50


>:(

Really, I'd like to say that it would have been cheaper to get a new laptop, but there was nothing wrong with my laptop after I dropped it. The hard drive was the only thing that was damaged. If I hadn't cared about what was on it -- or if I'd still had my back-ups -- I would have only had to pay for a new hard drive. And even now it's just the keyboard that was fried. Besides, I love my laptop. Although I really can't blame it if it doesn't love me much right now.


Wait, suddenly the mouse is working again. I'm confused. :( Okay, so $953.50. I'm still not happy.

Never has this icon been more appropriate.

[/tale of woe]

Final Fantasy XIII is still So Okay It's Average and I'm struggling to finish it just so I can say that I did. And for the achievements. Also, I read up on current Naruto happenings. Well, to be more specific, current Sasuke happenings, because it's kind of like watching a train wreck and I wanted to see where he's at right now.

Holy fuck, someone please kill him already. Seriously. If I were in that universe, I would nail him to the nearest tree to make him hold the fuck still while I screamed at him for a while. This is pretty much what I would be yelling:

( WTF CRAZY KID )

Also, RE: TEEN TITANS. Rewatching the series, just got through Season 1. Maybe it's because now I have the wisdom that comes with age not being a teenager, but I've been spending a lot of time wanting to smack people. Half the reason Slade's mind games work so well is because nobody's using Normal Earth Logic and is instead operating on Insane Troll Logic.

Slade: We're not so different, Robin.

Starfire: You and Slade are... similar.

That's BULLSHIT. Slade is a psychopathic assassin with a hard-on for mindfucks and teenagers. I mean, Christ, if you want to get technical, I have things in common with some serial killers. I can be charming for my own ends. I'm an excellent liar. I can be egocentric.

But here's a really big difference: I'M NOT A SERIAL KILLER. To expand on this, I don't want to be a serial killer. I have no desire to harm or kill people. I have a conscience. I'm generally a kind person and I don't like hurting anyone, whether physically or emotionally. I certainly don't deliberately hurt people and I feel genuinely remorseful if I accidentally hurt someone.

It's the same damn thing with Robin. Sure, he's driven and single-minded and can really be a jerk sometimes, mainly when he's focused on a goal and WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP TRYING TO GET ME TO HAVE FUN CAN'T YOU SEE I'M OBSESSING UNHEALTHILY OVER THIS? But he's also a good person. He saves lives and loves his friends and tries to do right by them even if he's not always very good at it. Slade does none of those things. He's a psychopath and a murderer. Robin is not. THESE ARE IMPORTANT DIFFERENCES. To invoke Godwin's Law, because god knows we can't have a debate on the Internet without it, it's the difference between someone being like Hitler because they're a compelling public speaker and someone being like Hitler because they want to kill all the Jews.

I mean, I know that it's the rule of drama talking, but for god's sake, would somebody please point this shit out. Robin, you're a smart kid. If you're that hellbent on resisting Slade, stop trying to kick the shit out of him physically and start kicking the shit out of him verbally. Throw his own arguments back at him. For instance, if you're like him, then isn't he like you? And if he's not going to turn hero anytime soon, then why are you going to be the one to jump off the slippery slope into villainy instead?

There are so many levels of villainy between "hero with tunnel vision who lied to his friends in a misguided but genuine attempt to catch a criminal who is a serious threat to thousands of innocent people" and "heartless murderer who kills for shits and giggles" that I really have no idea why Robin didn't just stare at Slade like he was a drooling idiot when Slade started telling him how alike they were. Because that seriously would have been my reaction in his place.

Robin: As much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade: he doesn't have any friends.

NO. NO, THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY IT. I mean, that's one reason, but Christ. Going back to Godwin: Instead of arguing that you're not like Hitler because you don't want to kill all the Jews, you're arguing that you're not like Hitler because you like drinking and smoking. It's like, really? That's your argument? I mean, sure, you kind of have a point, but there are so many reasons that are so much better that you could use.


NEXT UP: TERRA.

(Look, Lexi, I'm going to see if I like her any better this time around, but I really don't think I will. I am going to try. But right now I seriously think she is the whiniest little bitch in the whole damn show, and considering the series has Kitten, that's really saying something.)

DEAR YA AUTHORS:

( ROMEO AND JULIET IS NOT. A. LOVE. STORY. )

No love,
Alena


Some days I just hate everyone.

Yeah, I've been reading a lot during my recovery. A lot. I think I've gotten through about ten books so far despite being occasionally as close to comatose as it's possible to be without ending up in the hospital. Let me tell you, this trend of idolizing Romeo and Juliet is absolutely fucking disturbing. Also, Hush, Hush might just be the worst book I have ever read. No, I'm not kidding. Edward and Bella look like the poster children for healthy romantic relationships next to Nora and Patch. Yeah, his name's Patch. Please don't ask, I don't fucking know. I've got half a review written, but I think about 15% of it is profanity, so I'm going to have to work on that.

On the plus side, I've gotten a lot of ideas from the failures of the books I've been reading. I've been writing a lot of scraps down. Not for a book, really, just because I have this desperate need to write some subversions to this TRU WUV bullshit people have going on because I don't think I can take much more of it.

The ending of The Goddess Test by Aimee Carter sent me into a rage on behalf of the positive/healthy relationships of daughters and mothers everywhere. And on behalf of Greek mythology, but mostly the mother-daughter thing. I don't mind reinterpretations of mythology, but Jesus Christ I'd like to know that you've done your research first. Because if Carter did any research at all, it did not show. There's "reinterpretation" and then there's "totally butchering the mythology beyond recognition". The only thing she really got right was that Hades is a pretty swell guy for Greek god.

Speaking of reinterpretations of Greek mythology, The Dark Wife by Sarah Diemer is pretty spiffy. It's not a five-star novel or anything, but I enjoyed it and I'd recommend it to anyone who's looking for a good read and doesn't mind a lesbian interpretation of the Persephone myth. Honestly, that was actually the selling point for me. I heard "lesbian revisionist retelling of the Persephone and Hades myth" and I didn't need to hear anything else. Sign me up. You can read it for free on the author's website.

By the way, I just recently discovered GoodReads, and I've been kind of stalking the website like no tomorrow. It's addictive. Not quite as habit forming as TV Tropes, but damn, I work in a fucking book store and it still managed to expand my reading list by about a hundred books and counting.


In Summary:

Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick
0 / 5 ★

The Goddess Test by Aimee Carter
2.5 / 5 ★

The Dark Wife by Sarah Diemer (read it here)
3.5 / 5 ★

THINGS THAT ARE NOT AWESOME
- nausea
- my reaction to surgery
- pain
- sleeping all the time
- nasal rinses
- vomiting all of the blood and mucus I've swallowed
- blood draining from my nose

THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME
- the fact that at least oxycodone gives me wicked-vivid dreams
- kitties who cuddle with me
- my mother
- the fact that my mother posts on my LJ for me
- YOU GUYS

things that are still not awesome
- this has taken pretty much all of my energy to write
- it has taken me over two and a half hours to write it because i kept passing out
- I spent 10min trying to remember how to spell 'of' (protip: it is not spelled 'ov' or 'ove')

things that are weird
- I can remember basic html but not how to spell 'of'

fun facts!
- I gave my mother my password before my surgery so she could let you guys know if I died
- I instructed her to post any and all funeral details so no one would think I was pulling one of those bullshit 'social experiments' where people pretend to die
- paranoia ftw


My mom will keep you awesome people updated. Sleep time now.

Hi, it's Alena's mom again. Update ... Alena is ok; however, she is experiencing a lot of pain and discomfort. The pain medication is somewhat helping but it's keeping her feeling groggy and tired. She says hello and that she'll be back to post her own messages as soon as she's feeling better. Until then, I will continue to post daily. Take care, Alena's Mom :)

Hi,this is Alena's mom. Alena is feeling well although groggy. She is not well enough to type ... hence me.:) Alena's surgery went well with no complications. Other than feeling discomfort, nasal bleeding and sick to her stomach which was to be expected she is progressing just fine.

Alena will be back to post her own entry when she is feeling up to it. I want to thank all of you so very much for your care and concern shown toward my daughter. Regards, Alena's Mom :)

Surgery is in

0 days
12 hours
726 minutes
43583 seconds

and suddenly I'm scared.

I'm frightened of being put under the anesthetic. That's silly, I know. It's just a septoplasty, but still. I'll be under anesthetic and I'm anxious about it, even though I've been put under once before. It was years ago, though, and it worried me then and it worries me even more now that I'm older and actually know that it's a lot more complicated than "unconscious for a bit".

I'm not going to say "I'm sure I'll be fine", because I'm superstitious and I don't want to jinx it. Again, silly.

I'll update once I'm home. :3

OH GOD FATE PLEASE DON'T TAKE THAT AS A CHALLENGE.