I have my towel.

Actually, I have a question that required that DON'T PANIC warning. And the question is:

( Oh, and before anyone starts worrying: it *was* an accident. Seriously. )

So, stitches: Can they wait fourteen hours?

Because this is probably the reason you don't like cats. But if the fact that they're destructive little monsters is actually a part of why you like them, then seriously, watch the little animated shorts this guy has made:

( I think what gets me the most about his animations is just how....*catlike* the cat is in them. You can totally tell that he's a cat owner IRL. )

Simon's Cat

Guys, I have to warn you before you actually click on anything: TV Tropes is horrifically addictive. Proceed with extreme caution. Okay, done. Now! Onto the awesomeness I found within. In short, I found that TV Tropes' comic fans appear, as a whole, to loathe Civil War and Ultimates... well, if not as much as we do, at least they look at it and wonder what the fuck Marvel was/is thinking.

Highly Recommended Reading Material

True Art Is Angsty

"The experts have spoken! Only the grimmest of tragedies can effectively explore the fragility of human life, the crushing agony of love and regret, and other life-defining themes, such as why mommy never really loved you.

"Naturally, nobody's really the good guy in these stories, but if there is a sympathetic viewpoint character, don't expect their suffering to be the prelude to an ultimate triumph. No, they've got to be traumatized for life, or even killed off, along with their friends. Heck, and if there is a bad guy, why not let 'em get away with it scot-free while we're at it? That ought to drive home the message that life is suffering."

Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy

"Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy occurs when the soul of drama has died from an overdose of Darker And Edgier and is now stretched out on the autopsy table, staring blankly into the eyes of the coroner with all the elegance one expected from Calvin Klein during the 'heroin chic' days."

NOW! Onto the comic bits!


RE: Darker And Edgier

( In which Millar is called out on his shit. And so is Ultimates. )


RE: Character Derailment

( Omg, Tony is not bashed! HE IS PITIED. )


RE: Jerkass

( Only *one* non-Jerkass in Marvel Ultimate-'verse! )

TV TROPES YOU MAY EAT UP MY LIFE BUT ILU.

*weeps softly from happiness*

Seriously, all of this has made me feel so much better all of a sudden. I've actually been having a comic-relapse and been feeling sick to my stomach over current Marvel, and this just removed that knot. I mean, it's one thing to gripe with people you know about comics, especially when you share a very small and unpopular corner of fandom with them. It's... it's just another thing entirely to go onto a different website, one that isn't even specifically about comics -- just geekery in general -- and having everyone agree with you that, yes, things are fucked up to hell and it makes no one happy. Except for, you know, the Marvel writers who are all circle-jerking or whatever. Fuck them.

Seriously, I am grinning like a maniac.

I guess I just kind of felt isolated over in my Corner Of Tony Stark Love with only, like, ten allies for company. Not that the company isn't awesome. I'm just, you know, saying.

So. Happy. I can't even explain why.

Maybe it's because the only time people ever mention Tony specifically in regard to Civil War is to talk about his characterization. Or, you know, the lack thereof. And to otherwise point out that Tony is not actually the kind of guy who is likely to create a veritable superhero concentration camp and then hunt down his friends and the guy he killed himself to save, what, like, two weeks previous to Stamford, I'M JUST SAYING and throw them in jail. Or build a clone of his shield brother former teammate. Or put psychotic, murderous supervillains on a payroll and send them out to hunt down what's left of the superhero community. Or tear the shit out of the makeshift-home of a bunch of homeless kids and then basically arrest them for existing.

Tony's not bad. He's just written that way.


Also: The term "Trauma Conga Line" is the best thing I have heard all day, and I am going to start using it. Especially in reference to Tony.

Okay, seriously, about Ultimates. I think we all know how I feel about Ultimates, despite the fact that I apparently have some sort of sick fascination with it; kind of like, you know, staring at a train wreck. (For those who might not know my reaction to Ultimates, it's a mixture of HORROR and WHAT THE FUCK? BITCH ARE YOU FO' REAL?) However! There is one thing about it that I love, which is Tony and Thor's total bromance in volume one. And pretty much my favourite thing ever is this scene:

SETUP: There is an international crisis going on. Only SHIELD is privy to it at the moment, but there are Skrulls aliens called Chitauri trying to take over the planet. Well, they were trying, before they decided to blow it to smithereens. We are talking possible intergalactic war here. Once again, though: Only SHIELD is currently involved, and Thor absolutely despises military organizations. To the point where he wasn't willing to help out in the fight against the Hulk while Hulk was tearing apart Manhattan until the president agreed to double the International Aid budget. And so it's sort of really hilarious that this conversation takes place:

[Fury has just asked Thor to do reconnaissance; Thor reports that the island the Skrulls Chitauri are supposed to be on is vacant of life]

FURY: Yeah, well, I think I trust [Psi-Division's] word a little more than I trust yours, Goldilocks. Go take another look, huh?
THOR: Excuse me?
FURY: What?
THOR: I understand that this no-nonsense tone is all just part of a well-crafted persona to inspire the troops, but I'm not one of your foot soldiers, Fury. I'm only here because I'm friendly with Tony and I don't mind helping out, but I would appreciate a little courtesy the next time you ask a favour.
FURY: [to Natasha] Is this guy for real?


THOR.

HE ONLY GOES TO WAR FOR TONY.

Ahahahahaha.

The irony is painful, isn't it?

( Macro'd! Because I am lame. Just like my captions. )

Tales from Fanfiction Dot Net, brought to you by the Witch Hunter Robin fandom.

( a vampire, a witchvampire )

Oh, FF.net. What would the world do without you?

LAN.

YOU LOOK GOOD BABY YOU DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR?



(Seriously, though, isn't this adorable?)

Sorry for my mini-vanishing act, and for not replying to comments sooner. I feel awful for taking so long to reply, but my head wasn't quite in the right place, and I don't think my responses would have been anywhere near what I wanted them to be.

Things have been hectic around here lately, and pretty stressful. I haven't deliberately avoided my journal; I've just been handling so many different things that I barely had a chance to even think about it. Just lots of different factors piling on top of one another. I'm hoping to resolve some of these issues by the end of the month, but I'm not sure how that will go. To be honest, I want to throw up just thinking about it. I'll be okay, though. I just... sometimes I hate this illness. I want my brain to fix itself. I am more than willing to help it along, but I just get so sick of knowing that I have this thing, this affliction, that will never completely go away.

I've been getting better about dealing with things, though, so there's that.

( More blah blah blah. )

In other news: I wish birds would stop flying into my living room window. Is it all the green? It must be all the green. Our living room has a nice green carpet and two big, leafy plants, so maybe they think it's some kind of enclosed treespace or something. :/

Playing the Pro-Reg side now.

Up until now, I've spent the entire Pro-Reg timeline feeling vaguely guilty for siding with them, even though I was basically forced into it due to the fact that I want 100% completion, and I also want the whole story. All the same, it's been saddening for me to fight Steve and the rest of the resistance, and my heart hasn't truly been in it.

So I really should thank Steve for finally giving me the incentive I needed to want to punch the shit out of him.

( Seriously, Steve, that was uncool on so many levels. Alcoholism is off-limits when taunting someone. )

Anyway, moving off of the subject of Steve and Tony: I really love Ben Grimm in this game. Well, in general, but you know what I mean. The conversations you have with him are great, and the game really emphasizes his neutrality (up to a certain point). And I quote:

PLAYER: What if they had a war, and no one came?
THING: Exactly. You can't have a war without soldiers.

It isn't anywhere near that simple, but I appreciated the fact that there was one person who hadn't totally lost it and gone off on a "PRO-REGISTRATION IS THE ONLY WAY / ANTI-REGISTRATION IS THE ONLY WAY" crazy crusade.

Also: AHAHAHAHAHA ILU NICK FURY.

NICK FURY: All right, Stark. I lost contact with you, so I'm assuming you made it through the portal. I'll leave this log, just in case, uh, well... whatever. I just need to get this [self-destruct] countdown started.
COMPUTER: There is not enough free memory to run this program. Quit one or more programs, then try again.
NICK FURY: Stark. Your IT department sucks.

Nick is so awesome in this game I can barely stand it.

Grave and Growing
Free a country.



That is awesome. Seriously.

"So, what do we have to do?"
"Oh, just free a country."
"Sounds easy enough. Let's get right on that!"

Also, I want to know how they're going to do the play-through once you can put anyone on any side. I know it's probably going to be exactly the same as the regular play-through, with the game just ignoring who's on what side this time, but it would be so awesome if they did even two alternate scenarios for if Iron Man and Captain America were together on the Pro-Reg side, and then again on the Anti-Reg side.

I know they won't. But that would be so badass. I mean, they could have Reed leading the Pro-Reg! And Luke leading the Anti-Reg. Which would open up a whole other can of worms, but seriously, Marvel, you fucked up so many other relationships in this war, what's a few more for the sake of awesome gameplay? I mean, with the way Civil War was plot-driven, it's not like you'll have to change the script much. Just butcher the new leaders as you see fit so that they'll do what the plot requires, and bam! You're good to go.

As a note, I have pretty much never wanted to punch Tony as much as I've wanted to over the course of this game so far. I mean, I haven't played the Pro-Reg side yet (still on Anti-Reg), but seriously, they are making the Pro-Reg side so insanely unredeemable at the moment. There hasn't been a single moment since the split where I felt any sympathy for their point of view. Not even when Tony offered amnesty, because every single word sounded so totally smug that I wanted to throw a kinetically-charged card right at his face. (Seriously, in the original comic version of that scene, I didn't want to beat him to a pulp. No matter how much you agree or disagree with him, or whether or not you think his offer was totally one-sided/misguided, he at least seemed to be sincerely trying.)

To be fair, I've wanted to hit Steve quite a few times, too. He started out really well, and then just totally lost it by about the third mission.¹ Which is actually kind of par for the course for the characterization of Civil War.

Never mind, Marvel. Good job with the game script. Carry on.


At least Fury is being totally awesome again.

GAMBIT: Them boys obsessed [with this Civil War]. Why do you think that is?
FURY: Same reason I was [with Latveria]. They tell themselves it's for the common good, but then it becomes personal. Then your judgement's shot to hell, and you don't have any idea when you should stop.

OMG, PEOPLE ARE MAKING SENSE IN THIS GAME, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S ALL SO NEW TO ME.


¹I'm chalking it up to him going crazy with grief and pain over Tony's betrayal. WHAT? Comics love that kind of melodrama! All we need is to have Tony swooning and the Harlequin romance setup will be complete!

Okay, I have to confess: Gambit is my favourite. 52 Card Pickup is pretty much the most badass thing ever. Takes out half of the health bar of a robot even Juggernaut's attacks are just whittling away at. The only problem is getting your enemies to stay inside the circle of death for the two seconds it takes to explode.

But damn, does it get things done fast.

I tried, I tried so hard to go with Pro-Reg first in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2. I really did. I'm playing through both sides at once, so it didn't really matter, but I honestly couldn't go with Pro-Reg first. ( Cut for length, because I don't shut up. )

Why do I play things I know will hurt me.

On a happier note, I love some of Fury's notes in a few of the character dossiers. I say 'a few' because I haven't gotten all of them or read through all of the ones I have yet.

Iron Fist
How did Danny Rand gain his powers? Supposedly he trained for years, defeated a bunch of other kung-fu types, then beat up a freakin' dragon. Peter Parker? Got bit by a spider. Heh. Doesn't seem fair.

Iron Man
I've got a lot of respect for Tony. He seems to be winning his battle with the bottle, but sometimes I wonder if the armor is an addiction all on its own. Personally, I think he'll be in that tin can 'till it kills him... something I can relate to.

Just checked it out, and once you complete the game, you can start a New+ game and have any character on any side.

I AM PLEASED.

This means I have to play it totally through AT LEAST three times. Once to get through it, and then two times more, once for Iron Man & Captain America on the Pro-Reg, and once for them on Anti-Reg.

So, for me, it's going to kind of go like this:


ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Not Just a River in Egypt
Congratulations! For completing Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 (-30 Denial, +20 Damage), you have unlocked a new hiding place! In addition to Fandom (+50 Denial, -2 Damage), you may now also take refuge in Gaming (+30 Denial, -20 Damage, +5 Health Regen)!

I have to get up at 6:00 AM tomorrow. D: I'm completely unaccustomed to such hours. I was not aware that mornings had a 6:00 AM. I was aware that they had a 5:30 AM, though, because that's when I go to bed sometimes.

I'm kind of considering pulling an all-nighter, but I'm not entirely sure that I'd be safe to drive come 7:00 AM. :/ And even if I was, I would probably pass out in class. If I didn't, I doubt I'd be safe to drive home. :<

Yes, I am aware that pulling an all-nighter would be exceptionally ridiculous and pathetic, which is why I'm not considering it seriously.

Basically I need to stop being a baby and go to bed at ten. After taking two sleeping pills, though, because my body is like, "What do you mean it's time to sleep? We still have at least four hours before I start to get tired!"

Also, the plot of Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 is entirely Civil War-based, and therefore is going to break my heart. I am aware of this. I am going to end up buying and playing it anyway.

Damn you, Marvel. Damn you.

My only consolation is that, apparently, after you play through the game once, you can play any character on any side, as opposed to a few characters being locked on each side. That way I can put Iron Man and Captain America on the same side and ease the pain inside of my heart. D:

[/dramaqueen]

THINGS I FORGOT TO MENTION

1. Taylor Swift is a sweetheart.
2. Kanye West is a douchebag.
3. P!nk is awesome.
4. Beyoncé is also awesome.

I've been meaning to make these for a while now because I'm a total bitch, so it's kinda late, but oh well. I had fun.

( Large images behind the cut. )

Three versions! For those who just can't decide how much of a condescending douche they want to be.

"The [Reckoning is the] nail-biting climax to Kelley Armstrong's bestselling YA series. Chloe Saunders is fifteen and would love to be normal. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. First of all, she happens to be a genetically engineered necromancer who can raise the dead without even trying. She and her equally gifted (or should that be 'cursed'?) friends are on the run from the evil corporation who created them. To top it all, Chloe is struggling with her feelings for Simon, a sweet-tempered sorcerer, and his brother Derek, a not so sweet-tempered werewolf. And she has a horrible feeling she's leaning towards the werewolf. Definitely not normal..."

asdfghjkl;!!1!!!!!11!

*fangirls like a crazy thing*

...

...

...

SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU. LOOK IT'S NOT A CRIME FOR ME TO BE A BIT OF GIRL SOMETIMES OKAY.

CHLOE BABY YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR HEART IS TELLING YOU.

(HINT: IT'S TELLING YOU TO GO FOR DEREK.)